My Favorite Lawyer Jokes

Q: What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their necks in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

Q: What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A: A Doberman.

Q: What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
A: Chelsea Clinton

Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together
when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?
A: The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures.

Q: You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. 
You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: You shoot the lawyer... Twice.

Have you heard about the attorney who meets with a client and demands a $1,000 retainer?
The client hands him an envelope supposedly containing the retainer.
After the client leaves, the attorney opens the envelope and discovers $2,000 in cash.
This poses an ethical problem for the attorney: "Do I tell my partner?"

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could save only one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?